I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
