I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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