I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hippo gnu deer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
