is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
