tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
