We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
