omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
