If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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