I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize