I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
