There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
