oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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