$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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