we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And then he peed in my hair
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