GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
