you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
