after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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