none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
