So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
