Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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