How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
