there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
