Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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