I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
