just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
