Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
