Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize