At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
