Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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