I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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