Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
