My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
