he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
