hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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