I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im holly from the hills drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
