What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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