I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
