his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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