wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
