Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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