the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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