Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
