it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
