Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
