she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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