you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize