Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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