Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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