Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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