Nicole vs. Life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
