The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
