I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
