I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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