i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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