mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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