You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
