when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
