Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
