What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
