I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
