and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
