i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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