I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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