We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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