first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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