why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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