when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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