his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
