maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
