I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
