Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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